I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
