Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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