You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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