that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's Friday. Sex?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
