he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
