I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
