its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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