p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
