dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
