I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
