I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
