you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
