I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
