You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
