You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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