this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he shaved USA in his pubs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
