her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
