Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just threw up on my dentist
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
