I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
