The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
