Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
