Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
