Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
