My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
