I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
