There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
