Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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