Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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