he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
