I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
