Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
