so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
