I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The air taste purple.
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