I could make wine with my vomit
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
