Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
