Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
