so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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