piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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