I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
