He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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