tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
