i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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