Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
