I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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