mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
