There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
