He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
