somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
