You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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