we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
