your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
