You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
