so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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