my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
