so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
