So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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