You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
