As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
